MASH
by sparkleflower
Summary: Lelouch has discovered the game MASH. And now, he's challenged CC to play. Oneshot.


**Disclaimer: I don't own Code Geass. Or MASH. Though it is the best bus ride game ever. :)**

**MASH**

The bus ride was long and bumpy. CC sat with her forehead pressed against the window, watching the road race by outside. Suddenly, she felt someone tap her shoulder.

Lelouch stood there, with a piece of paper and a pencil in his hand. He gave CC a small smile, then asked, "You look bored. Wanna play MASH?"

CC was confused. "Huh? What's MASH?"

"You honestly don't know?" He was shocked. Everyone knew MASH. If even he knew about it, everyone must have known about it. Lelouch ignored the fact that Shirley had just taught him MASH the day before in the student council room. For all intents and purposes, he had known about it for a very long time. If anyone asked, he would say that Shirley had learned the game from him. He wasn't being arrogant or refusing to acknowledge others, he just wanted to claim all the credit for the game. "You must be pretty stupid, CC."

"Well, I'm so sorry that where I come from, we don't understand stupid games like this 'MASH'. So are you gonna explain it to me or what?" CC was spunky as usual. That always really annoyed Lelouch, that she could counter any remark of his with one of her own. He needed to get her back for always being so annoying. As soon the thought of humiliating her through MASH crossed his mind, Lelouch let an evil smirk sneak across his face. Now he was really excited to play.

"So," Lelouch said, waving his hands in demonstration, "MASH is basically a way to figure out your future. One person writes down a bunch of random categories, like future jobs, pets, number of kids you'll have, who you'll be married to, and so on. The other person playing picks a number under ten."

"And what does the person do with this number?"

"Once you decide on a number, I run through all the separate columns of information and stop on the one that corresponds to the number. It will make a lot more sense when we play, but I'll give an example now. So say that one column is future pets. I write down cat, dog, bird, mouse, and fish. If you picked the number 4, I would circle 'mouse' because it's the fourth one on the list."

"What does that mean?"

"It means your future pet is a mouse. Now are you ready to play or what?"

CC roller her eyes, an act which infuriated Lelouch. Only _she_ would have the gall to roll her eyes at someone like him, who could squash her like a little bug. "Yeah sure, I'll play. But only if you buy me pizza later."

"Whatever, loser. Sure, I'll buy you pizza." Why did he even ask her to play in the first place? She was just going to end up cleaning out his wallet.

He continued on, pencil in hand. "First category- future career. Let's see." Shirley had told him yesterday that the most fun part of MASH was writing down really crappy jobs and then laughing hysterically when the person ended up with a job like "toilet scrubber". "Ooh, toilet scrubber, that's a good one", Lelouch whispered to himself and rubbed his hands together evilly.

CC whacked him on the shoulder. "Lelouch, I can't see what you're writing! Let me see! If it's my future I should have a say in what you write!"

Lelouch leaned further away and cradled the paper in his lap. "Sorry, CC, I forgot to mention. You helping plan your future only takes all the fun out of the game."

"So, really, it's not fun at all for me!"

She had caught on pretty quick. "No, but it's incredibly entertaining for me. So sit down, shut up, and let me finish the game. I'll let you know when I need a number less than ten." CC sulked and folded her arms across her chest, turning away from Lelouch.

Other jobs, Lelouch thought to himself. Really menial, often gross jobs that CC would hate more than anything. Toilet scrubber. Dog walker. Babysitter. Pet sitter. He didn't notice that most of his ideas of bad jobs had to do with taking care of other live objects.

Number of future children. 1. 10. 100. 1000. 34. Done.

Future car. Maserati. Punchbuggy. Smart Car. Shopping cart (Lelouch laughed at this one. He could picture CC zooming around in a shopping cart). Broomstick (he was very proud for thinking of this one. CC was a witch after all). And finally, Zoomobile.

The last category: future husband. Lelouch giggled as he wrote down "Suzaku Kururugi", earning a glare from CC. "What's so funny? Are you almost finished destroying my future yet?"

He ignored her and continued thinking of boy's names. Ohgi. Oh, they would make a great couple. The Emperor. Lelouch crossed it off. No matter how funny it would be if CC got his father as a future husband, Lelouch wasn't willing to subject even CC to that horror. Odysseus. Well, he was a boring asshole. Maybe he'd tone CC down a little. That Chinese guy- what was his name? Xingke? He seemed pretty rough. And kind of cool. But not very.

As an afterthought, Lelouch added his own name to the end of the list. "I might as well give her one good option."

"What was that, Mr. Meanie?" CC still had her pouting face on.

"Nothing, nothing, CC. Now pick a number. I'm ready to plan your future."

She stuck out her lip even more (was it even possible at this point?) and said, "Three."

Three. So that meant-

Lelouch went down his list. He crossed off 'toilet scrubber' and 'dog walker', numbers one and two on the future jobs list, and ended up on number three, 'babysitter'. Then he moved to the future children list. Number three there was 100 children. Lelouch grinned evilly to himself. He couldn't wait to see CC's reaction when she found out she would have to give birth to 100 children in the future.

Next was future car. "Yes!" Lelouch shouted. Number three was shopping cart, the most humiliating of the vehicles he had written down!

And lastly, he came to future husband. Suzaku- no. Odysseus- no. Number three was Xingke. _But_, Lelouch thought to himself, _wouldn't it be infinitely funnier- and CC would get that much more angry- if I got picked to be her future husband instead?_

He turned to her. "CC, are you ready to hear your future?"

"No."

"Oh, don't be so grumpy. It'll be fun! Let's start with future job. You, in the future, will be a professional...babysitter! Doesn't that sound fun, CC?" She snarled at his patronizing tone and shook her head, "No".

"CC, in the future, you will also drive a shopping cart -"

"Wait, what the eff?"

Lelouch continued as though she hadn't spoken. "- and you will bear 100 bright, sparkling children with your future husband. That professional babysitting job might come in handy."

He kept going, laughing internally her horrified face, but somehow managing to keep his own face straight. "And who, you may ask, will be your future husband? Well, I felt bad for you and your horrible luck with the rest of your future, and decided to give you the best, most handsome, smartest candidate from the lot- Lelouch Lemperouge!"

CC just looked at him. "But that's you."

"Well, yes. That was the point."

"I hate to break it to you, but I'd even marry Rivalz over you. And you know, if we were married, you would probably be the father of my one hundred children."

Lelouch was stunned into silence. He hadn't thought of that. CC smirked at his face and said, "I guess you just couldn't see far enough past your huge ego."

Lelouch knew when he had been insulted, and he refused to stand for it. There was only one way to get CC back now. "Would you look at that, CC. I forgot the most important part of the game."

CC leaned back comfortably. "What part is that, LuLu?"

Lelouch, more than anything in the world, loathed and despised that wretched nickname. LuLu was a girl's name. Lelouch was NOT a girl. LuLu sounded prissy and cute and fit for some tiny child who loved bunnies and kittens. However, he refused to let himself get sidetracked.

"Future house, my dear CC. It's where the letters MASH come in. M stands for empty, old, spiderwebs-clinging-to-every-corner Mansion, A stands for crappy one-room Apartment in a bombed-out building, S stands for rickety Shack looming on a barnacle-infested cliff overlooking a huge drop down into roiling ocean waves, and H stands for the most disgusting Hotel in existence."

"You know, you could have just said mansion, apartment, shack, and hotel without all the adjectives. Though they do add some color."

"You get the shack cuz it's number three on the list. So there, haha, sucks to be you." Lelouch resisted the urge to stick his tongue out after he finished speaking.

CC still had an ace up her sleeve though. "Lelouch, now you forgot something important. You decided that you would be my future husband, right? So that means you would have to live in the- what was it called again?- rickety shack looming on a barnacle-infested cliff overlooking a huge drop down into roiling ocean waves WITH me. Because you're my self-proclaimed husband."

She hung onto his arm (annoyingly). "So Lulu, now that we're getting married in the future, can you buy me pizza everyday? You know, because you love me so much?"

"I don't think I want to be married to you in the future anymore. I'm sorry I said it in the first place. Can we get a divorce?"

"Not until you buy me pizza. Or I'll tell everyone in school and in the Black Knights that you proposed to me. They'll all think that you're a freak, LuLu."

For the rest of the bus ride, Lelouch attempted to ignore CC's constant demands that he, as her new husband, had to treat her with respect, dignity, and kindness at all times, and also provide her with an unlimited supply of pizza and cuddly teddy bears. He groaned as she droned on and on.

"I guess that's what I get for trying to mess with her. Why did I want to be her husband in the first place?"

_!_

**A/N: Thanks for reading! Hope you laughed!**


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